The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
