the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
