whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
