I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Randomize
