Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
