You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
