i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
