I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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