I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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