Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
So much rum. So many feels.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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