if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
