Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
