dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
