Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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