I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I looked at my own cervix.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
