I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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