things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
