why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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