That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
