My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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