My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
