Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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