so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
