I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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