I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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