You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
