EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
