Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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