i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
