i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
