I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
