i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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