Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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