A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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