If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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