So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
