In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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