Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
