So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
