I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
