I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
