I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
where does the pee come out of this thing
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
