Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
