And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
