I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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