wakey wakey hands off snakey
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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