so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
