You're my little dorito
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
