I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
