dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
