I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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