I'm so fucking centered right now
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize