Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
