New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
