who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
