after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
