I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
