so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
