Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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