so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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