I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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