WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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