Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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