Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
