I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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