do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
