I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
