that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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