Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
