we're blogging at a bar
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
