And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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