When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
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