Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
