Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize