I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
