I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
