Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
