so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
