My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
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your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
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Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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